A Mind-Set Change

I’m pretty much back to my normal self and feeling a lot better. I’m not sure if the mental and physical domains of my self combined, was what was making me feel so yucky, but I was going through the whoa is me attitude thinking that I wasn’t really important to anyone and no one really wanted me around. It felt like people didn’t want to include me in on anything making my hurt feelings ten folds bigger thus making my physical wellness suffer. If anything, I have learned that I have to conquer my own feelings and suck it up since complaining and whining won’t get me anywhere. There is no room for pity parties anymore since it does no good in the end except make me feel worse. Even if I stood up and said what had bothered me it wouldn’t do any good since there would be reasons and excuses and that in turn would just hamper my feelings of needing validation. So I’ll do the next best thing and tug up those big girl panties I always boost about and just continue on as usual. Now, onto a better topic.

Saturday was my day off and usually I use that day to do housework and laundry, but this Saturday I helped my son move into his apartment. I can only hope that he has finally lost the extra 230lbs called his ex-wife for good and has gotten back onto the right road again. Sunday was a regular shift for me but the day seemed to fly by. My Supervisor had left some work for me to do and even though it was a tedious task it made the hours fly by. Today I had the entire day off and to be honest I didn’t do a damn thing. I know the housework has been calling my name, but hey…my selective hearing seems to be starting to develop again. I’m sure all the pet hair, dust bunnies and the blanket of dust that seems to be attracted to every surface in the house will be there tomorrow. Oh well, time to curl up in my jammies with a glass of wine and enjoy a night of relaxation watching tv.

Yucky last few days, but feeling better now

Sometimes I wonder how much the human body can take when it comes to being ill. The last few days I have felt like absolute shit. It started Thursday afternoon and today is the first day I have actually felt a wee bit human. Thursday night I had to drag myself to work but ended up spending the majority of my shift in the upstairs bathroom. Friday I spent all day on the couch fighting off the chills. Saturday was another day when I should have stayed home but was unable to due to work. It’s a good thing it was a short day and I was home by 2:00pm. I spent the rest of Saturday snuggled on the couch with a big thick blanket. I must have fallen asleep in the early evening because next thing I realize I am being awakened saying I had to get up for work. I looked at the clock and wow it was 7am. After a quick shower I was off to work to be greeted by a co-worker who does nothing but complain about how shitty her life is. Sometimes I just feeling like saying “shut the hell up”, but I keep my mouth closed, nod and smile and listen with one ear. Thank goodness the first group started to file in and I was able to concentrate on work. The morning hasn’t been too bad and was made even better by a smile and a coffee from one of the usual Sunday morning patrons. As I glance at the clock I see I only have a little over 3 hours to go. Then it’s home to change into some old sweats and my slippers and just relax since my next shift isn’t till Tuesday night! I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!!

Just Memories!!!

I’m not sure what made me think about different blasts from my past but it happened. Some of those blasts are wonderful memories while others are filled with sorrow and hurt. I think I have come along way and even though I have not, nor will I ever forget the hurtful and sorrow filled memories, I have come to terms with them and laid them to rest. I think the time during my dads brief illness and then his passing, brought to light a few emotions that I didn’t want to deal with but ultimately had no choice. I have spent many countless hours piecing the so called puzzle of my life together and now I can say with confidence I have succeeded. I can not say what the future will hold, nor would I even want to know, since life is only as good as what you want it to be. I am the keeper of my stars and with that being said, on to more happier memories………

My first kiss. Wow when I think back I have to smile. A boy named Arthur. At 10 years old he was my first kiss. I’m not sure if it was fireworks I was seeing, or the thought of feeling the slap upside the head from a very strict mother if she ever found out.

My first slow dance. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Warren Edge. His arms wrapped clumsily around me and we danced to The Beatles song “Hey Jude”. At 13 years old I thought the song was never going to end.

Then high school started and my life took on it’s own personality. In other words at 14 years old I began the rebellious stage. I smoked ground up tea leaves rolled in cigarette papers and felt guilty as hell when my girlfriend and I snuck beer out of her dad’s fridge and drank it. I did feel guilty, but damn it was fun! We went to un-chaperoned parties and threw a few of our own. My body felt the stinging scratches of falling into bushes when I was so drunk I couldn’t stand let alone walk.

I then joined the Sea Cadets and was seriously going to join the Navy. I did some pretty outrageous things during that period of my life. The main one being a group of cadets, including myself went on an unsupervised weekend camping trip to Brant Park. Needless to say there was alcohol and guys. It was that weekend that I lost my virginity. Being 15 at the time, I thought I was all that and more. Wow did I have a lot to learn about life back then! I felt teenage love and cried nights on end when I thought my broken heart would never mend. Its funny how often your heart can be broken and mend. It may hurt for a long time but down the road when one has matured to a certain degree, you can look back at all the heart breaks and actually smile thinking about them as you shake your head and say “what the hell was I thinking?”

I look back now and can smile as I recall the countless bike rides I took with friends along with my true and devoted friend Mr. Crud. May he Rest in Peace somewhere at the bottom of the landfill site. I have come along way down the path of life but Robert Frost says it all “ I have miles to go before I sleep”. I know the path of my life is mapped out before me and I might take shortcuts and do stopovers on this path, but all in all I AM the keeper of my stars.

A Sunny Spring Like Weekend

What a beautiful weekend it has turned out to be. It’s been fairly mild and the sun has been shinning non stop! Even though I am working as usual my work days couldn’t put a damper on my mood. Thanks to the shinning sun and the warmth along with a couple of very long phone conversation I am feeling great. Can you believe that next Saturday night we turn our clocks ahead giving us more daylight!! Then the following week is the first day of Spring!!!!

Yesterday was a full day at work starting at 9am and ending at 4pm. I really have to laugh at the way some of the patrons try to get out of money owing from them. The usual Saturday morning hockey group has been promising to pay up on their “User Group Insurance” and yet each week there seems to be an excuse. They promised last week to pay the amount owing and then when all was said and done they only wanted to pay a meager amount. Our Supervisor has told us that the remaining teams must pay this week, no ifs and or buts. Well when this team decided that they couldn’t afford to pay the insurance this week I pulled a bit of weight and told them they may be risking their hockey time next Saturday morning. I informed them that our Supervisor has been told to collect the money or the ones owing will not be able to use the facility until the Insurance is paid. Well my goodness the money magically appears and this group IS able to pay the Insurance after all. Now don’t get me wrong. I think this Insurance idea is stupid and the majority of rental groups can not afford it, BUT, we do not make the rules. We are the so called front line and in that we are to enforce the rules and regulations sent down from the higher powers. Then I ran into a situation yesterday afternoon when a Birthday Party rental had insisted that they had paid for their rental by credit card. Now most times that is done, but in this case it wasn’t true according to the computer, the office receipt binder, rental agreement and my supervisor. There was a note stuck to this person’s rental agreement stating that she still owes. This note was written by my supervisor letting me know I was to collect payment. This person swore up hill and down that they paid, but the computer was saying” nope you didn’t…so pay up now!’ Again I pulled a bit of weight and told her that if there was an error and I am charging her again, then there would be an immediate refund. She begrudgingly decided to pay and left in rather snitty way. I smiled my best customer service smile and wished her a wonderful day. Now, as I said, my P.I.C and I are the frontlines to this facility and we are the ones that catch hell from the patrons when they are not happy. Because of this reason, I shifted through the trash and retrieved the note that was clipped on this person’s rental agreement that said they still owed for their rental and tucked it away safely. The note is written in my Supervisors hand writing so therefore my ass is covered if there WAS a mistake in the higher ranks of the “Booking’s and Payment’s” area. I have to pat myself on the back because I was able to handle both situations yesterday without breaking a sweat and worrying about whether I did the right thing or not.

Today has started out in a good note as well. Even though the sun is trying hard to keep shinning it’s still promising to be a sunny and warm late winter day. The first hockey group is on the floor now and the second group is starting to file in. I have to say that all the groups I do supervise during the weeknights as well as the weekends are a really good bunch of guys. They are always friendly, stopping into the office to say hello and if time permits they will start chatting away. Most of the people from all the groups that I do supervise have been coming to the centre for years. I myself have been employed here for 15 yrs come March 14th, and have seen many happy, sad and worrisome times for many of these people. I know sometimes I bitch about working here and how unfair things can be at times as well as challenging and maddening, but all in all I do enjoy my job as Facility Supervisor. Many times I have to fight back my laugh with certain complaints. Like when a regular patron came into the office this morning and asked if we had added more chlorine into our water. He said last week when he took a shower that the smell was over powering. Now I know this is a City Wide Public Facility, but we do not have any control over what is added to the city wide water supply. This complaint was coming from a man who refuses to use a cell phone due to the electro radiation field that could soak into his brain causing “God knows what damage to his brain cells” Needless to say there is never a dull moment when it comes to listening to complaints from patrons! Now I’m sure with a little help from the Baileys Company and Folgers; It will be “The best Part Of Waking Up” and I will love my other job classification as well! Especially on Friday.