Friday, October 21, 2011

Embarrassment – a 13 letter word

I think we all have had moments of embarrassment. Some of us, like myself, have more than our fair share. The only way to truly handle an embarrassing situation is to laugh, at least for me it is. My most recent OMG, red faced, stammering an apology…I’m so sorry moment happen on Tuesday night while I was at work.

Tuesday night was a very busy night at the centre with a back to back sports rental and the regular Camera Club meeting. When I arrived at work a kids program had finished and the staff of that program was just cleaning up. My Supervisor was still in the office since she was to attend another meeting that was taking place upstairs in another area of the center. She gave me a few last minute duties to do during my shift and then off she went. With in a short period of time one of the hockey groups began to arrive and since new rules have been put into place I had to make sure the one change room per group rule was followed. With one team now on the floor, the camera club began to arrive as well as other people for the meeting my Supervisor was attending. My directing skills and smiles continued until everyone was settled where they should be. I sat down at the desk just as the staff from the children’s program was leaving. One staff member peeked into the office to let me know that the toilet in the Men’s washroom was not working. Oh great, just what I needed to hear. I certainly was in no mood to mop up toilet water if it over flowed, so I put an out of order sign on the Men’s room door and instructed them to use the Women’s washroom. Being men I figured they might need further explanations so I drew a pink happy face and put IN USE and a blue happy face IN USE and taped both to them to the wall by the woman’s washroom. I explained to them that they needed to put the blue happy face on the door so I would know it was occupied by a man. That seemed simple enough, well to me it did. About 45 minutes later I had to go so down the hall I went. There was NO sign on the door so all was good. It was not in use. I taped the pink happy face onto the door and went inside to do my business. I’m not sure why, but I always prefer to use the last stall and low and behold it was locked from the inside. I even cussed out loud saying “damn kids, now I’ll have to crawl under to unlock it”. But I had to go rather badly so I did what I needed to do in the second stall first. I’m sure we all experience the rather low rumblings that escape into the toilet bowl making a rather loud noise and for me tonight was no exception. I had a teeny tiny bit of gas so yes I did fart a couple of times, but since I was alone in the washroom, I thought nothing about it. I finished my business and since I was going down onto my hands and knees and squirm my body under the stall door I didn’t bother washing my hands. All I can say is OH MY FREAKING GOD……can anyone say peeping Jane!

As I lowered myself to the floor and got onto my hands and knees, I bent the rest of my body down and slowly started to slip my head under the door. My eyes fell onto something that just wasn’t registering at that moment. It looked like a pair of feet, but I knew that was not the case since I was in the washroom all alone. I turned my head and looked up. There in front of me, sitting on the toilet with his pants down to his knees was a freaking MAN. Well hells bells I stared for a second although it seemed like more than a second and quickly thrust my head back out. The only thing I could manage to stammer was “for F**k sakes” and then “OMG I’m so sorry”. I knew my face was beat red and I quickly rose to me feet. I quickly moved to the sink and washed my hands. I called out in rather a loud voice how sorry I was and that I thought the washroom was empty since no sign was posted on the door letting me know it was in use. I laughed rather nervously and called out that I thought one of the children from an earlier program has locked the door from the inside. I was becoming even more mortified since he never said a word while I was babbling away, so I quickly left. My eyes never focused on who was actually sitting on the washroom throne so I’ll never really know, but since I was the ONLY female staff on duty who ever it was knows it was me who slipped my head into his personal space!!!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Man versus Woman

For as far back as there has been both men and women walking upon this land, an argument has been going on about what sex is the strongest. I’m not going to dig too far into this subject since we all know who will come out as the stronger sex. I will only go so far as to say….I am WOMAN..hear me roar.

This conflict has seeped into the unfinished walls of my home where the other half of my marital contract walks around as though the Grim Reaper is his shadow awaiting the impending doom of his ailment. His ailment; nasopharyngitis also known as the common cold. It is true that this particular cold whooped both our arses since I was lucky enough to share this wonderful event with the other half. It is true that when ever I wasn’t working, cooking dinner, cleaning, doing laundry or taking the dog out for his exercise, I was bundled up under big fluffy blankets with hot tea and honey. My bundled up body was hidden behind mountains of Kleenex as I quietly snuck in a few extra minutes of recuperation time. It took a little over 7 days before my rashed nose, watery eyes and constant cough began to subside but it did and without any sympathetic gestures from the other half I may add. Now, as for the other half who just so happens to be a man, instead of roars I seem to be hearing nothing but sad soulful whines with every tiny movement his “manly” body takes. I find it rather entertaining that men claim to be the stronger of the sex’s and boast about what they can bench-press or how far and how hard they can throw a punch. Yet when the common cold penetrates their masculine form they morph into an entity that does nothing but whimper, whine and complain about how sick they feel…..Guess there is no debate on who wins this issue!!!!!!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

sniffle sneeze..cough cough

AAAaaaaaaaCCCHHHHOOoooooo………….was forcefully thrown from my lips throughout the day today. Yep, it’s here again. The dreaded……sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching….. all stuffed up…I got a cold season. Oh those dreaded minions’ of the common cold have attacked me with a vengeance. One minute I’m so stuffed I think my head will explode and then the next minute my nose has suddenly turned into a faucet with no shut off valve.

Gesundheit...........bless you………. and God bless you were chorused after the echoes of my many bouts of sneezes had subsided. My red and watery eyes matched the pink tinge of my nose as I smiled and thank all who blessed my sneezes. One of the people from the last rental I had today was looking for an escape from the high pitched laughing and squealing from the ladies during a baby shower he was supposed to be attending so he came down stairs in the hopes of an early escape. He heard me sneezing and peeked his head in the door to say “bless you.” As I have been doing all day, I smiled and said thank you. He then proceeded to explain the old custom of blessing someone when they sneeze. Apparently with his version it goes as follows…when someone sneezed, they were immediately blessed ("God bless you!") in the hope that they would not subsequently develop the plague. He also said that whatever word or group of words that are used, it all pretty much means the same thing. So…..while I was at work today I was certainly blessed many times….I’m guessing I have a very good chance of not developing the plague!