A letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I can’t even imagine the amount of work you have to do. What with keeping us on our toes all the time with the weather and all, along with the fact that you check in with millions of women all over the world once a month. You are very busy that’s for sure, but may I request something from you, if you don’t mind that is. Please stay the hell out of my life. For years you have checked in on me on a regular bases making sure that I never forgot who was in charge. Believe me I have never forgotten. I do realize you have saved me on a number of occasions over the years and for that I really am grateful. I can even accept that you have allowed me to feel the effects of gravity as the number in my years creep higher. I know I have mumbled and cursed as I tried to pull and stretch the little creases that have appeared around my eyes and mouth so they will not be TO noticeable. I have even plucked the dis-coloured strands of hair from my head without too much complaint. I am now reduced to spending my hard earned money on trying to keep the colour in my hair and the wrinkles hidden as best I can. I was even able to cover my mouth before an ear-piercing scream ripped from my lips one morning when I found 1 long, thick and very noticeable hair growing from my chin. With shaking hands I did manage to pluck that little ****er right out by its root!! Can you PLEASE explain where this came from???????Mother Nature I do have to say it’s very rude for you just to pop in whenever you choose to, but it’s inexcusably rude for YOU to invite others to invade my personal space.  What I am really having a problem with is your infrequent visits.  Listen if you still feel you have to check up on me every month that’s ok. I will adjust my schedule to accommodate you, but if you chose to stay away for a few months and then make an unannounced visit I have to say that you are being just plain disrespectful! Can you imagine how over-joyed I was to think I was free from your monthly visits, but alas my happiness was short lived. I don’t know what is worse. Your monthly visits or the times you drop in whenever you choose. I feel I have paid my dues on being a woman and I think it is time for you to stop making me cry at the drop of a hat, or making me burst out with angry words that I never thought would fall from my mouth.  I have lived through every emotion you have chosen to blanket me with at a moment’s notice and I have survived, so have the people around me. It’s time I get a full night’s sleep without waking up in a snow blizzard and wanting to turn on the central air. I no longer want to feel my face and body burning and turning red from having my internal body temperature sky-rocket into the triple digits for no good reason. We as young women are encouraged to accept impending age with grace and dignity. I’m sorry Mother Nature, but I can no longer heed those words while you feel the need to constantly inhabit my life with so many cruel jokes and pranks. Please if you feel even a glimmer of kindness I beg of you to find somewhere else to go when you are bored. I will end this with…..

Respectfully yours…..

DM