The Letter J

J

Jack-in-a-cupboard  

Jack-in-a-cupboard is rather like the Jack-in-the-box. With the Jack-in-the-box you wait with baited breath as you turn the small crank and wait for that rather spooky looking clown to pop out and scare the bejesus out of you. The Jack-in-a-cupboard is when you shut the door of a cupboard really quickly and with stuff leaning against the door, to prevent yourself getting the blame for the stuff falling out and scattering all over the counter or floor. The next person who opens the cupboard will experience the holy crap moment as things tumble haphazardly all over.

I will confess I am a true maker of the Jack-in-a cupboard, especially when it comes to the cupboard that holds my Tupperware (yes I still own many pieces of that collection) and plastic food storage containers. WHEN I find the motivation to clean those cupboards, they look so neat and tidy. Sometimes if I’m in the mood I will arrange them by colour, just because I have nothing better to do. They are all stacked neatly by size with the matching lids stacked nicely beside them. It looks so nice that sometimes I’ll purposely leave the cupboard door open so that if anyone (namely my other half) enters the kitchen they/he will see it too and think to themselves my what I nice organized cupboard!

Well my nice organized cupboard lasts for maybe (and that’s a big maybe) a week. There is a good reason for that too…..well it works for me anyway. Usually when I am in need of a food storage container, the one I need is somewhere near the middle of the stack. It’s never near the top or bottom so therefore I have to muddle about unstacking the pile just to find the right one. Then I have to do it all over again to find the proper lid. Then, when the container has been emptied (usually into the trash because we all know what happens when left-over’s stay left over in the fridge for extended periods of time) and the container has been pretty much sterilized it’s time to put it back in the cupboard. Well, I’m really busy, what with working, cleaning the house doing the laundry and all the other countless other jobs that I do…it’s hard to keep one little cupboard looking neat and tidy. It’s easier just to grab and go, or as the case may be stuff in and close. It doesn’t really register that things are teetering precariously on the verge of collapse until some unsuspecting person opens the cupboard door and cries out while desperately trying to shield themselves from the rain of plastic. After the initial cussing of the unsuspecting person if one listens closely enough they would surely hear a whispered “ooops” coming from somewhere in the distance.      

The Letter I

I

Individuality

I must admit that there for a while I misplaced my own individuality in order to be accepted by a few. It’s a lesson in life that I think we all learn and the final lessons can be very hurtful. I became someone I really didn’t like and all for the sake of feeling as though I belonged. The hurt I had to feel opened my eyes to the fact that all that were in this so call “select” group lacked their own character and individuality since they all spoke as one when in a group yet cussed and complained in private because they did not like what was said or done. But enough of that I am now back to being me. I say what I feel and I keep company with those who are not afraid to be themselves and who also accept others for having their own individuality.

Here’s the lyrics to a song that sums it all up nicely (Jessica Andrews…..That’s who I am)

If I live to be a hundred and never see the seven wonders….That'll be alright….If I don't make it to the big leagues……If I never win a Grammy…..I'm gonna be just fine'….Cause I know exactly who I am….

I am Rosemary's granddaughtet

The spitting image of my father

And when the day is done

My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

But I've got friends that love me

And they know just where I stand

It's all a part of me

And that's who I am

So when I make a big mistake……When I fall flat on my face…..I know I'll be alright………Should my tender heart be broken…….I will cry those teardrops knowing I will be just fine'…..Cause nothin' changes who I am…..

I am Rosemary's granddaughter

The spitting image of my father

And when the day is done

My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

But I've got friends that love me

And they know just where I stand

It's all a part of me

And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner…….I'm a loser, I'm a winner…..I am steady and unstable…I'm young but I am able………………
I am Rosemary's granddaughter

The spitting image of my father

And when the day is done

My momma's still my biggest fan

Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

But I've got friends that love me

And they know where I stand

It's all a part of me………………………………………That's who I am

The Letter H

H

Hypnosis  

"a trance state characterized by extreme suggestibility, relaxation and heightened imagination."  It is a mental state (according to "state theory") or imaginative role-enactment (according to "non-state theory"). It is usually induced by a procedure known as a hypnotic induction, which is commonly composed of a long series of preliminary instructions and suggestions. Hypnotic suggestions may be delivered by a hypnotist in the presence of the subject.

I was one of the biggest skeptics when it came to this type of suggestive therapy. Unless I had 100 percent proof that one person could put another person in a dream like state and then suggest certain things in order for the one in the dream like state to heed the words the hypnotist suggests, it was just a bunch of bull pucky to me. I consider myself to be a person in control of my thoughts (although sometimes my mouth causes havoc with bouts of verbal diarrhea) and I pride myself on being able to figure out what is fact and what is acting for lack of a better word. Well the question of whether Hypnotists are real was certainly answered for me and on a first hand account.

A couple years back a group of my friends and I went to a local Tavern to enjoy a night out which included a show from an Adult Entertainer Hypnotist. Maybe someone has heard of him since he apparently does shows all over the world, his name is David Curran and he has gained the title of “The Bad Boy of Hypnosis”. Well me being one that needs to “de-bunk” claims of any type I was really excited. My oldest daughter was with us and when David Curran asked for volunteers my daughter (thanks to a few alcoholic drinks) quickly volunteered herself AND me. I am sooooooooo not one for attention so I tried hard to say no. She grabbed my arm and pulled me up and whispered, lets prove this guy wrong…… well those words made my legs step up the stairs to the stage.

Once all us volunteers were seated, David Curran began by saying that only people that have open minds and a good imagination could be put under this type of hypnosis. Well there you go, here I was on this stage in front of everyone and I was going to look like the foolish one. My mind was closed when it came to hypnosis but I do have a good imagination so I was prepared to be told to leave the stage as David began to work his so called hypnosis on us. I quickly got myself in check so I could exit the stage with some grace and a few laughs as the room darkened and grew silent. There was this weird music playing and David’s soothing voice told us to step into the elevator of our minds. From that moment on, I was not me, well I was but my mind wasn’t mine………

I’ll not get into detail because this was very ADULT oriented but I will say I said things…I did things and I became things that I never imagined myself to say, do and be. Hells bells I even saw Tim Mcgraw in the audience and no word of a lie, I left the stage and went directly over to him. I lifted my shirt and had him autograph the left side of my bared flesh. Needless to say it was NOT Tim McGraw. In fact it was just some poor fellow that was with his girl friend out for an enjoyable evening. But to me he WAS Tim McGraw and I was almost drooling over him. My daughter and I along with the other volunteers did some very risqué things up on that stage and yes some things we did are not meant to be written about in a public blog!

When the show was coming to a conclusion David directed us to step into the elevator of our minds once again but also gave each of us a certain thing to follow once we were off the stage. His suggestion for me was that as long as I am inside the Tavern anyone that shakes my hand and says hello, I will tell them I love them. He also directed us to know that as soon as we stepped out the door of the tavern, everything that happened would slowly come back to us. We all got into that elevator and slowly came back to reality. It really was weird because it was like no time had passed and yet we were on the stage for well over an hour. We all sat looking at each other and shrugged as we left the stage. David was apologizing to the audience that he had to cancel the show and we were mumbling about how we got ripped off because we sat on that stage for nothing, unbeknownst to us that we WERE the show. People did shake my hand and said that even though the show was cancelled, they admired me for getting up there in the first place. My sister in law can attest to the fact that I told many people that night that I really and truly loved them along with telling everyone some very embarrassing moments that happened that night.

When my daughter and I left the building it took a few minutes to comprehend what we did during our time on stage. We looked at each other and said in a whispered voice….O.M.G lets not ever talk about this night again!. It did take a lot of scrubbing to get the name Tim off my side. Needless to say I had some explaining to do to my other half the next morning!!!!!!

Here is a link to a David Curran video if anyone wishes to check it out for some giggles (and NO I am not in it!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8kJxaJ8ur8

The Letter G

G

Grandmother, Grandfather, Grandchildren

Both sets of my Grandparents are now gone. I was very close to my mom’s parents since my dad’s parents were always traveling and not really around as I was growing up. I can still remember sitting on grandma’s lap as she rocked in her wooden rocking chair as grandpa messed around trying to fix things that were not really broken. Grandma had very good peripheral vision and watched grandpa without him knowing or maybe he did know and just ignored the feeling. My Grandparents loved each other dearly and when grandma passed it didn’t take long for Grandpa to follow. I was just a child but I can remember the way they lovingly chastised each other all the time. I still smile when I remember the looks between them and then watched as they kissed each others cheek.

When my parents became Grandparents I can still remember my fathers words….”I wish only the best times for you and your family, and I do hope that your children will bless you with all the fun times you blessed your mother and me with”. I call this one of my most blondest moments ever (no offense meant to any blonde readers) since I thought he was being sweet and honest. It wasn’t until a few hours later that his words filled my mind and I knew exactly what he meant! It wasn’t that I was a bad child, I was just very curious and well in today’s modern day words kids like me are described as “a very busy child”. I figured that I would live a wonderful happy life with children who really didn’t misbehave, (because you know I was always a behaved child) and then my children would grow up and have children of their own making me a Grandmother myself. The only thing that I did tell my children is that I wanted to be called nana since the word grandma makes me feel old. All 3 of my kids agreed but I could see the laughter in their eyes as they watched me desperately trying to hold onto whatever slim hope of youth I could manage.

Well surprise, surprise I became a nana, but not the way I thought Mother Nature would help aide in. My oldest daughter called and asked if she could come over. She said she needed to talk with me and she was bringing something to show me and that I would be happy. Over the past weeks she had been hinting that he life was going be changing. I never really paid to much attention to that statement since my oldest was always participating in different things. Oh the joy I felt because I had that intuition, you know the one I mean…..”woman’s intuition”. Ohhhhhh my first born was going to be a mom! The joy I felt. I was going to be a nana!!!!!! Oh I began to get that happy dance feeling. She would need everything. There was a baby shower that had to be planned and O.M.G. I could almost smell that wonderful scent of a freshly bathed and powered baby as she or he lay nestled in my arms. I think I was actually talking out loud as I said the words “I’m gonna be nana!!!!! (can you tell I was excited??????)

She was going to be a few hours since she lived out of town so I decided to bake her favourite oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in celebration of her news. Oh I would play cool and coy. I would not let her know that I had guessed. I would not want to ruin her news for anything. I watched with a knowing smile in my eyes as she pulled up. She got out of her car and opened the back passenger door. She leaned in as though to get something and then stood up. She had something in her hand and when she came into view she had 2 dogs with her. I didn’t think anything of it because as I said she was always doing something a bit different. She came in and kissed me on the cheek and said hi mom.  The dogs lumbered in after her and yes they lumbered since then were porky English Bull Dogs. She said mom, meet your granddaughters….Ava and Toot.

Yes…that’s crickets your mind hears since I was totally speechless

When I finally found my voice I said oh they are cute and without missing a beat I cocked my head to the side and said come in and have some cookies.  I sighed quietly thinking to mself….Good Lord I am a nana to a pair of English Bull Dogs.

This is my grandaughter Ava

and this is my other grandaughter Toot

The Letter F

F

Fact? or Fiction?

Elvis IS alive! …….Fiction

Years after his death, people all over the world still see Elvis. Sometimes perfectly ordinary people will resemble The King without even knowing it. Sometimes his likeness will parachute from a plane over Vegas. Sometimes someone's white-male-weird-uncle will dress up as Elvis at a family gathering. Sometimes, maybe, just maybe, it really was Elvis himself you saw walking down the street, flipping burgers, or buying SPAM at the Quicky-Mart.

Although there have been countless sightings, Elvis is indeed dead!

Donald Duck comics are banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants! …..Fiction

This is urban legend. Donald was never actually banned in Finland. In 1977 the city of Helsinki was in financial trouble. They made several budget cuts, one of these being the purchase of Donald Duck comics for the youth centers. The decision was made by Mr. Markku Holopainen. The next year Holopainen ran for a position in the Finnish Parliament. His running adversary labeled him as "the man who banned Donald Duck". The media tabloids took this and ran with it. Thay came up with many different stories, including that he banned Donald due to lack of pants.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. ……..Fact
Dentist Alfred P. Southwick watched a drunk man accidentally shock himself to death in 1881. This inspired him to come up with a new method for executing people on death row. He figured this would be a good alternative to hanging because it would be quick and painless (unlike going to the dentist, which is often long and painful)…………….(all I can say is I’m going to be on guard at my next trip to the good ole Dentist!!!!!)

A single lightbulb has been burning since 1901…….Fact
In a fire house in Livermore, California you can view a light bulb that hasn't been turned off since 1901. The bulb, of an unknown wattage, is included in the "Guinness Book of World Records"……(I can only imagine that electric bill!)

Alcohol destroys brain cells…….Fiction

The moderate consumption of alcohol does not destroy brain cells. In fact it is often associated with improved cognitive (mental) functioning………….(hummm…now that’s one I can use for sure!)

You're born with more than 300 bones, as an adult, you have 206…..Fact

Babies bones link and become 1 so the amount of bones decrease but yet they are all still there. For example, the skull is made up of numerous bones when we are born but they fuse together the older we get… ……(I have to admit I was worried about where the rest of my bones disappeared to…thank goodness for Google!!!!)

And my most favourite fact of all!!!!!!!

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head……..Fact

(my information was goggled…if any facts are wrong, it’s goggles’ fault)

The Letter E

E

Exhastipated …. meaning: Just to tired to give a crap.

Symptoms: 1) a feeling of total brain collapse

                    2) complete paralysis of the muscles in charge of expelling words verbally

                    3) involuntary head shakes and hand movements

I think at some point in time we have all suffered from this condition. I know I have had my fair share of exhastipation. I also know of a few people who seem to be the reason for the onset of this condition. I’m sure they don’t realize they are the carrier, but its best to avoid close contact with them as this condition may lead to complications (to the carriers). As I’ve said, I have suffered a few onsets of exhastipation, but only one to date has had a long lasting effect on me.

I was given a small 4” potted plant from a child in the preschool class I was teaching. It was a beautiful miniature rose bush with buds that were ready to burst. It did belong outside and I had the perfect place for it to be transplanted, but I wanted to enjoy it for a day or two on my kitchen window sill. Well the weekend came and I asked my other half if he could transplant it into the corner of the yard just off the deck. I had some errands that I needed to tend to and since he said he would, I left my plant in his care. Now, in all the years I have been married (and believe me it’s been a loooooong time) I have tried to understand the function of his brain and tried hard to not say the words “what the hell were you thinking?....... anyway back to my onset of this condition……….

My errands were going to take more than a few hours and included a few things I was not looking forward to. One was spending time with that darling woman I call my mother-in-law or as you may hear me refer to his family as the outlaws. It was the most exhausting and emotionally draining few hours I have spent in a very long time. I was looking forward to going to the sanctuary of my home and just letting the frustrations of my day fade away. It was later in the afternoon when I finally pulled into the driveway. At first nothing really registered, but then again the gate was blocking any major changes that the back yard had undergone during my absence. As I opened the gate something was happening to me. I stepped inside and closed the gate, still not willing to comprehend what was in the center of the yard. My mind was still on overload from the visit I just came from and seeing what awaited me was nothing short of an O.M.G moment. There before me was a 4’ round hole about 3 inches deep in the middle of the friggen back yard. My 4” potted plant was still in it’s container on the deck table. My other half stood wiping the sweat from his brow looking at my shocked face and then he had the nerve to say “what’s wrong”? I was in total shutdown as I heard him say, “I was thinking the plant would look nice here, but there was a damn tree root in the way. With the experience I just came from and seeing what had happened in my absence I just sighed, shook my head, waved his words away and walked into the house. After a few brief moments this feeling washed over me. Its hard to describe.... All I can say is thank god there was a chilled bottle of wine in the fridge. So far to date, that has been the only time I skipped the glass and took a few healthy gulps straight from the bottle!

The Letter D

D

Desserts

Apple crumb pie, Mississippi mud pie, German chocolate cake and strawberry or chocolate ice cream. These are just a few of my favourite desserts. Oh how I try and stay away from these sinful delights but I am only human. I buckle and let my sweet tooth and the little person on my left shoulder chanting….. eat it, eat it, eat it get the better of me. Even as a child I can remember the familiar whirl of the hand held beater as my mom made up a cake batter. I didn’t care if it contained raw beaten eggs. It was mixed in with the flour, sugar and coco powder or vanilla extract so I couldn’t taste it anyway. I eagerly sat on the stool watching moms every move and then when she finally clicked off the mixer and released the beaters I was willingly there to help with the clean up. I licked and lapped…errr I mean I cleaned those beaters well making sure the batter was gone before placing them in the sink. I would then hold my breath making sure my bother or sisters never heard the noise going on. If it was heard I would not be able to be the helpful assistant in charge of rinsing the bowl. Of course before I rinsed it I would have to be diligent in making sure any remaining batter was removed from the inside the bowl. It would seem like an eternity before I had a chance to assist on the clean up after the icing was made and smothered carefully over the cake. There were more than a few times when my hand was sharply slapped just as my finger was inching towards the fully iced cake. Even to this day I can still feel it…lol. I can still hear my mother’s voice as I picked and poked at the vegetables (especially broccoli) “if you don’t finish your dinner there will be no dessert”. When I grew up and had children of my own I had to gracefully hand down the baker’s assistant job to my own kids. I couldn’t help but smile as their small tongues diligently cleared off all the batter from the beaters and then clean the bowl after.

The word Desserts is a very magical word. In fact it is known to thousands of women all over the world as it has not one, but two meanings. If you don’t believe me, just spell the word Desserts backwards. That’s right it does spell stressed! J That’s my excuse for loving Desserts and I’m sticking to it!!!!!

Always remember…….

Life is uncertain.  Eat dessert first. (Ernestine Ulmer)

My all time favourite...Mississippi Mud Pie!

Mississippi Mud Pie

Makes one 9-inch pie

Ingredients:

For the crust:

• 1 1/4 cups chocolate graham cracker crumbs or other chocolate cookie crumbs, such as Oreo (I

used chocolate graham crackers and processed them in the food processor to make the crumbs)

• 5 tbsp. unsalted butter, melted

• 3 tbsp. sugar

For the ganache:

• 4 oz. bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped

• 1/2 cup plus 1 tbsp. heavy cream

• 2 tbsp. unsalted butter, at room temperature

For the filling and garnish:

• 1/2 cup Heath bar, chopped, divided (or other candy, chopped into small bits)

• 3-4 cups coffee ice cream, softened

Directions:

1. To make the crust, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. In a small bowl, combine the chocolate

graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and melted butter. Toss with a fork until well combined and all

the crumbs are moistened. Press the mixture into a 9-inch pie pan. Bake for 5 minutes. Transfer

to a wire cooling rack and let cool while you make the ganache.

2. To make the ganache, transfer the chopped chocolate to a small heatproof bowl. In a small

saucepan set over medium heat, bring the cream to a simmer. Pour the hot cream over the

chocolate and let stand 1 minute. Whisk the mixture in small circular motions until the ganache

forms. Whisk in the butter 1 tablespoon at a time until completely incorporated.

3. Spread a thin layer of ganache over the bottom of the pie crust, just enough to cover it

completely (about 1/3 cup). Sprinkle half of the candy bits over the ganache. Transfer the pie

plate to the freezer and chill for about 30-60 minutes, until the ganache is set. Leave the

remaining ganache at room temperature, whisking occasionally.

4. Stir the ice cream with a spoon or spatula to be sure it is evenly softened and spreadable. Mound

the ice cream into the pie shell and smooth the top. Return to the freezer and chill until the ice

cream is set, about 2 hours.

5. If the ganache has firmed up while the pie was chilling, soften it again by heating it in a double

boiler or microwaving it in 15-second intervals, just until it is spreadable but not hot. Spread a

thin layer of ganache over the ice cream, or drizzle it over the ice cream with a spoon. Sprinkle

the remaining toffee bits on top. (Work fast, as the ganache will harden quickly after

making contact with the ice cream.) Return to the freezer and chill for 1-2 hours. Reserve any

remaining ganache and let cool until thickened. Transfer to a pastry bag and pipe on decorative

swirls, if desired. Chill until set.

6. Let the pie stand at room temperature for several minutes before slicing. Use a warm, dry knife

to slice and serve.

If you make this I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!