Definition of STRESS
1: constraining force or influence: as
a : a force exerted when one body or body part presses on, pulls on, pushes against, or tends to compress or twist another body or body part; especially : the intensity of this mutual force commonly expressed in pounds per square inch
b : the deformation caused in a body by such a force
c : a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation d : a state resulting from a stress; especially : one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium
Letter “c” applies to me.
Wow, I never knew my head could hold in so much stress that I can actually feel it pulsing. I sure needed a shoulder tonight and as I dialed the number I prayed they would pick up. Oh what a huge relief it was when I heard that now familiar voice saying hello. This person listened as I spewed out at least 10 minutes worth of verbal diarrhea. I really needed to let everything pour out without being judge or condemned for what I was saying. Tonight I wrote a blog and it was taken totally out of context with someone. This person got very upset and for that I apologize for. I do not apologize for anything I wrote as it was jumbles of hurt, disappointment and anger all rolled up into one massive ball of words. Another person had tried to explain that it was just words and that I was venting. I sure fucked up on this one, but oh well what’s new. I was about to burst into tears right then and there but I held it back and told the person I could not talk at this point because I was at work. This person left very hurt and upset, but again, I could not do anything because I was so unstable myself. When I was given a hug from a friend because she said I needed one a simple sentence that was said by another that was not meant to hurt me just made my heart sink. It made me feel even worse and I got all flustered not knowing what to say, whether to laugh or cry, but I did as I always do and pulled up my big girl panties. I asked my friend to be honest with me and tell me if I was wrong, they simply said “we all have a breaking point and whether it be right or wrong no one should judge.” At this moment, one of the lowest times I have felt in months I could not dispute that with my friend. This friend knows what I have been going through in my personal life as well as my work and refused to comment on whether I was right or wrong. They just listened and I really needed that. I still need to break down and have a good cry, but since I’m not done work for another 45 mins I’ll have to wait. No doubt when the house is quiet and there is nothing but darkness I will be able to let the tears fly. Thank goodness I have stocked up on tissues