Friday, April 8, 2011

Nothing to do but wait....

Lots of people limit their possibilities by giving up easily. Never tell yourself this is too much for me. It's no use. I can't go on. If you do you're licked, and by your own thinking too. Norman Vincent Peale

Well, once again my little corner of the world is preparing them selves to accept yet another passing. This time it is my Mother-in law. For months now she has been sliding downward. It actually began a few years back when my husbands’ family had to face the quick and very unexpected death of a sister and daughter. Then just a few short years later another child/sibling became ill and passed away with cancer. It was evident that my Mother-in-law never really got over the grief of losing 2 of her children. She has now lost all will to live and has been placed on home “palliative care” notice. She has had every test imaginable and there is nothing wrong with her except her inner will to keep going.
Those who know my history with this family will understand my thoughts. Those who do not, will be scritchen their heads in puzzlement. I was never accepted by my In-Laws and over the years I have often joked and called them “The Out-Laws”. There have been many pissy cat fights between my Mother-in-Law and myself and on a few rare occasions some vocal and very verbal screaming matches. As I grew and matured I learned how to turn the other cheek and bite back my words and thoughts. …..until now.

I can not imagine losing a child and then a few years later losing another. The hurt must be horrendous at the very least. I do have a problem when there are other children involved. Yes all the kids are grown adults and they too lost two siblings and their hurt is just as staggering although in a different way. What I can not seem to grasp is the willingness to not want go on and to envelope ones self in the love of the other children. Young children or adult children it makes no difference. They are still your children. The family has no choice now but to sit and watch their mother literally die before their eyes. As I said before, there is no disease running rampant through her body. Just the lack of will to continue her life. I will be honest, it does make me angry to see the hurt in her families eyes as they stand vigil by her bedside trying to come to terms with this senseless act. The palliative home-care nurse has indicated that this could end shortly or it could last for weeks or even months. I am trying hard to hide my anger about this but each day it just continues to grow. I can do nothing but shake my head…but am I shaking my head in sadness?...or in anger? I really don’t know.

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