The Letter Z

Z

Z(ed) vs. Z(ee)

When my children were young I was a stay at home mom. An opportunity came up were I could earn extra money staying at home being a “Telemarketer”. Yes in the yesteryears of my motherhood…. I was one of those annoying people who call you up and bother you by asking silly time wasting questions while trying to sell you things, but hey, it was extra money. Anyway I had a small booklet of peoples names and phone numbers from both Canada and The United States. Now I do have American cousins and we always kid around with each other when it comes to accents and the differences in each others currency, but it was all in fun. Anyway back to my true story…….

My job was to call the Canadian numbers on one day and the American numbers on the next day and bother them with senseless question. Oh I had my fair share of hang ups and cussing and I even was told to get a real job before the receiver was slammed down on the other end. When it came to the days I was to call the American numbers I had quite the experience especially when it came to the southern States. There was one call I still giggle about when the gentleman became very confused when I had to spell his name to confirm his information. Well his name contained the letter Z and when I spelled his name back to him I said Z(ed) instead of Z(ee).

What he said next took me by surprise and made me think. ……

I really had no idea what he was meaning when he said “what the hell is Zed? I went on to inform him that Z(ed) was one of the letters in his name. He then retorted back that his name was not Zed. I said “I know your name is not Zed I was spelling out your name for confirmation.” He then said “you have my name wrong. My name is not Zed.” I took a deep breath and said “yes Sir, I know your name is not Zed, I was spelling your name. He said “is this a joke?” I said “no Sir I am just trying to confirm the proper spelling of your name.” He said “let me help you.” and then proceeded to spell his own name. I had to bite back a giggle when I realized where the

miss-communication was. After he was done I apologized to him and explained that I was a Canadian and that we pronounce the letter Z(ee) as Z(ed). He only grunted at my explanations. I thank him for his time and patience and was about to hang up when he had one final comment. He said, “Lady you Canadians need to learn the proper alphabet before bothering good people by such nonsense and then hung up.

Z(ed)

Z(ee)

The Letter Y

Y

Youthful

As I continue to age...err, I mean..continue to have birthdays, I’m a wee bit more sensitive to the process. Being young is the time when you are actually in your teens, twenties, or thirties. I used to be proud off the odd crinkly grey hair since each individual strand represented survival of some sort that my children or other half has said or done. Not to long ago I shrieked in horror when I looked in the mirror and saw a single hair strand growing out from my chin. It scared the bejesus out of me because it wasn’t there the night before. Well I quickly yanked that nasty hair out and shuddered thinking about Mother Nature OR Father Time sneaking into my bedroom while I am asleep and purposely planting that hair on my chin. That was such a cruel joke. I guess the older we get, the more we want to be younger. Well, maybe not really young but at the age where we are more carefree and vibrant. But, while we cannot turn back the clock, we can turn back our mind and do a number of things differently that will make you think and feel more youthful.

  

Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them!"

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath, but always make sure you are wearing “poise”. (the women readers will understand this)

To stay youthful, hang around older people

Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age

In the words of Lucille Ball……….. Live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

The Letter X

X

X-Burn/Tan

All women run the risk receiving the X-Burn/Tan. It’s not very appealing and yes it may be very painful if afflicted with this unsightly mark. Of course I’m talking about the X marked sun burn/tan that may occur if the back of your summer shirt happens to be criss-crossed. It’s especially bad if you are prone to tanning since this mark will be clearly visible for a very long time, making it difficult to hide the mark if one wants to wear the cool backless summer dress.

There are two ways to avoid this summer affliction. One is to make sure your back is fully covered so the heat of the sun will not discolour your skin, therefore keeping your skin the same colour.

The other is to expose your back fully so the sun can beat down on it in order to discolour your entire back. This way it will be all one colour.

Of course the choice is yours, but I can assure you that THIS X will definitely mark the spot.

The Letter W

W

Words of Wisdom

Here are some of my favourite Words of Wisdom

Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If you’re not part of the solution, be part of the problem!

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can’t push.

Never eat yellow snow.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

There are very few problems that cannot be solved by orders ending with ‘or die.’

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Silence can be misquoted

And my all time favorite....

When you can no longer change the situation you are in....REMOVE yourself from that situation!!!!

The Letter V

V

Village of Port Dover.

One of my favourite places to go is the Village of Port Dover located in Norfolk County and is on the shore of Lake Erie at the mouth of the Lynn River. This quaint resort village has experienced great growth in last few years and now has a population of around 5,500 people making it more of a quaint town now.

In 1794 the area was first settled by a group of United Empire Loyalists, and at that time the village was known as Dover Mills. During the War of 1812, American soldiers burned the community down. Port Dover was once a principal Harbour on Lake Erie at one time and had the largest fresh water fishing fleet in the world. There is a wonderful Memorial on the Pier in memory of all those fishermen who have lost their lives in the fishing industry. Sometimes we overlook the dangerous conditions under which the fishermen work, to provide us with the rewards of the Lakes. When you are in Port Dover, take a moment at the Memorial to remember them.

Every Friday 13th throughout the year, thousands of motorcycle riders and enthusiasts gather in Port Dover. The Bikers' gathering attracts thousands of people from all over Canada and USA, sometimes as many as 75,000 bikers and spectators at a time!

Another thing Port Dover is famous for is the Arbor Dog (foot long hotdog) and their golden glows. One can not go to Port Dover and not buy a foot long hot dog and their favourite flavour of a golden glow (mine is peach).

I still make sure a visit Port Dover as many times as possible. There is nothing better then taking a walk on the beach in bare feet watching the boats out on the water.

The Letter U

U

Uni brow

In some cultures, the uni brow also known as the mono brow is viewed as an attractive quality in men and women alike. In some places it may be associated as purity, while most western societies seem to find it unappealing. It is seen by many as making a person look hostile angry or frightening. The uni brow seems to have inspired suspicion over the years. In past times, it was studied as a possible sign of bad or criminal behaviour. Talk about profiling!!!!!

Frida Kahlo, one of Mexico's famous artists, painted herself and the world the way she saw it. Many of her famous works were self portraits in which she did not attempt to beautify herself at all. In many of her portraits she sports a uni brow, physical injuries, and is clearly in pain. At a time when it wasn't popular, she gave the world an uncompromising view of feminism and activism. I can’t help but respect Ms. Kahlo for her ability to paint the world in vibrate colors but, still express the problems and pain she saw in it and in her own self.

                    Probably Kahlo's most famous self-portrait

"I never painted dreams. I painted my own reality."- Frida Kahlo

Other famous people that carries a uni brow are;

                                                             George W. Bush

                          Astronaut Tatar-Russian pilot cosmonaut Sharipov

                                                    Bill Barry Former Drummer of R.E.M

             And of course we can't forget

                                                               Bert

                                                                               

The Letter T

T

True Friend

A true friend sticks with you through the good times and the bad, a true friend will say what you might not want to hear, but a true friend won't stay mad...

A true friend looks from the inside out and doesn't judge by a glance, a true friend will stick by you even when you take a stance...

A true friend loves you for who you are not what you could be, a true friend should be cherished cause' few exist you see...

A friend to love with... A friend to play with... A friend to be with... A friend to stay with...

I am lucky enough to have a true friend. Oh I have plenty of friends and I have people that I thought were friends but we didn’t end up on the same page. This blog is dedicated to my true friend Mina. We met when we were in our first year of high school and have managed over the course of time to keep the friendship. We certainly did have our moments and there were a few years where we didn’t talk due to miscommunication between the two of us as well as some hateful rumours and plain jealousy from outside. We mended the fences over a year ago and last summer we spent a week together reconnecting and catching up on everything that had changed within our lives. We allowed the truth to come to the surface, gave understanding and acceptance for and with each other and felt the bond between us grow even stronger. I have to admit, I unloaded more on her than she did on me, but for the first time in a long time I was able to be myself and not someone others wanted me to be. I know that if I fall Mina will not turn her back on me, but will either lie beside me until I can find the energy to get back up or she’ll pull me up with encouragement and giggles. A few have said that they were my friends, but when I needed the helping hand in bad times they turned away and could not even face me. That’s not even worthy of being called a friend. My life has been so much more enriched by our friendship. Thanks for being my true friend Mina. I love you!!

The Letter S

S

Skunks

Mammals that are best known for their ability to secrete a liquid with a strong, foul odor. General appearance varies from species to species, from black-and-white to brown or cream colored. Skunks, together with their closest living relatives, the stink badgers, inhabit the Americas from Canada to central South America.

Once upon a time (for real) there were two families who decided to have a nice relaxing weekend camping at a local camp ground. They chose their campsites carefully and made sure they were side by side so that they could all enjoy nature at its finest together. Each family had a strong male body in charge of keeping their loved ones safe from all forms of the creepy crawly kind that one just might happen across in the outdoors.

Once both families had their campsites set up the strong male bodies went fishing to catch dinner for their loved ones. They came back very proud of their trophy catch all hanging from the stringer. Both families enjoyed the bountiful supply of fish as the male bodies boosted about what good providers they were. After everyone was done dinner and things were cleared away, the male bodies started a nice warm fire. It wasn’t a huge fire but it was enough to cast light in the darkened park and kept everyone toasty warm. Everyone sat around the fire and listened intently as the male bodies once again began to boost about the days catch. The hour was growing late, the camp fire was growing dim so each family called it a day and went into the perspective trailers.

Not a creature was stirring…….except the sounds of rustling as something was investigating the top of the picnic table. Both male bodies heard the sound and as each shone a flashlight from their prospective trailers, the beams of light honed in on a plump dark creature with a white strip (commonly known as the skunk). One male body called out to the other male body and asked what should be done. The other male body called out that they needed to try and lure this menace away from their loved ones. Each slipped on their shoes and quietly opened their trailer doors. They kept the flashlights trained on this menacing creature as they decided what should be done. One suggested that they make a loud noise to try and scare it away; the other disagreed and said they should just wait and see what it does next. Well the skunk decided that it was done its exploring and made its way off the table and began to waddle towards one of the trailers. The male bodies decided that it was now time to defend their loved ones from a possible attack. As the creature waddled UNDER the one trailer the male bodies decided to do the stealth attack. One male body went around one end of the trailer while the other male body the other end. All was quiet, only the crickets could be heard as the beams of the flashlights were seen bobbing back and forth. Then there was noise, it was like a hissing sound that was clearly heard in the dark night. Seconds later the beams of light were shinning against the ground….. the distinct cry of holy s*** and two male bodies quickly ran for their trailers. Each peeking out the windows as they watched that plump creature waddle out from under the trailer, making its way across the campsite and disappeared into the dark night. Thank goodness neither strong male bodies were damaged by the scent of the skunk but one DOES have to wonder why they even attempt to rid the campsite if this creature.

The Letter R

R

Rambunctious Retriever

Three years ago I adopted a wonderful Golden Retriever puppy. He was the quietist one out of the litter. There were 2 males and 5 females and they were all adorable but for some reason this one stole my heart within the first 5 minutes. Well, needless to say he was the one that I adopted. The Vet on Wheels (a veterinarian that makes house calls to huge litters) gave him a clean bill of health and I cradled him in my arms and carried him out to the car while the other half counted out the money and placed it into the hands of the Breeder. My oldest daughter took one look at him and smiled. She said his name should be Bentley and for some reason that name fit, so Bentley it was.

It didn’t take Bentley long to find his place in our home. We already had an older dog and well, the love hate relationship that happened between them kept us on our toes for sure. Well, what started off as a 7lb sweet lovable frisky puppy quickly began to explode into a clumsy 30Ib pup. If you have ever seen the movie Marley and Me then you’ll know what I’m talking about. Bentley loves to chew and I mean chew, He has eaten a hole in the living room chair, lost a piece of his treat on the couch and dug his way through the material, passed the fluffy stuffing to uncover the springs and he has grown a hatred for flannel. Now during the winter months I NEED my flannel sheets. If the bedroom door isn’t closed Bentley will use every stealth movement he knows to sneak up on the bed and pounce. Once on the bed he’ll give a low warning growl as he digs past the blankets to uncover the enemy called flannel. When the enemy is in his sights he’ll begin to snarl and rip it to shreds. Once he feels confident that the enemy will no longer be a threat he’ll proudly jump off the bed with threads of flannel hanging from his mouth and find his way back to the living room to hunker down behind the safety of the chair. You’ll not hear a peep out of him until his name is bellowed out when the other half enters the bedroom.

The other half insists that Bentley is out of control and that I baby him too much, which isn’t true in the least. Just because he sleeps with ME on MY side of the bed doesn’t mean that I baby him. If I DID baby him I would certainly insist that the other half gives up his side of the bed so that Bentley will have more room J.

We have been told by the Vet that Golden Retrievers usual do not calm down until the age of four. When the other half heard that he looked at me with shock. It was hard not to smile as I said, don’t worry Hun, it’s only another 12 months!

It's a dogs life!



The Letter Q

Q

Questions.

Here are a few questions I thought I'd answer so everyone can have a small glimpse of who DM is. :)

Apple or orange juice?
Orange juice. I’ve handed in enough urine samples to have turned me off of apple juice

Morning or night person?
Night person....that’s when I get into most of my troubles.

Sweet or salty foods?
I’m sweet enough already so I’d have to say salty.

Who's sexier…ninjas or pirates?
Pirates, damn they have nice backsides! Oh yes and they are rugged and dangerous…adding that spice to life.

Favourite childhood television show?
I Dream of Jeannie…and Bewitched….they do magic!

If you could have a super power, what would it be?
magic

If you could sleep with a super hero who would it be?
Thor!!!!

What is your first thought upon waking in the morning?can I make it to the bathroom before I explode.

What do you usually think about before going to sleep?

if he snores any louder I’ll be going to prison!

3 best personality traits
1) I’ll cry if you cry
2) I say what I feel
3) I’m a good listener


3 worst personality traits
1)I find it hard to say no to people
2)I can be a snotty
3)I have a potty mouth

First thing you notice with the opposite sex.
their butt…errrr I mean their eyes…yes their eyes.

1 personality trait that you dislike in other people.
liars

1 thing you miss about being a kid
Not having a care in the world.

1 thing you love about being an adult.
I can cuss with the best of them and not have my mouth washed out with soap.

If you had to change your name, what would you name yourself?
Pandora

Do you believe in the afterlife?
no, at least I hope there isn’t, cause by the time I’m ready to leave THIS world, I’ll be needing a vacation!

The Letter P

P

Pet Peeves

Face it we are all human and we all have a few or more than a few pet peeves. This blog topic was easy for me since I have more than my share of Pet Peeves. It’s not that I deliberately look for irritating things to have personal peeves about, it’s just that well ok, I can be rather difficult to please, or so my other half says. Speaking about my other half, well let me tell you, one of my biggest pet peeves with him is show interruptions. This is when I am watching a program (that he says he wasn’t interested in watching in the first place) and he comes in half way through, takes a seat and gets all comfy. Without missing a beat he starts in with a dozen or so questions about what’s going on…who did what…why did they do that…the list goes on and on. By the time I have answered all his questions I have usually missed some important key facts about the program. It’s almost as bad as him pulling off his socks and not making sure they are right side out. It’s so annoying when wash day comes and I have to pulls his dirty socks out making sure they are right side out so they can get clean. Anyway I’m sure my other half could ramble on and on about his pet peeves about me, but that’s not really important because they’re probably not true anyway. J

                                         A few of my other top Pet Peeves are;

D.W.P (Driving while Picking) …Because you're in a car does not mean you're invisible. There are windows. STOP DRIVING AND DIGGING! :)

Double Dipping…Whether it be fruits, vegetables or chips, it is horridly unappealing to double dip. No one wants to use the same dip after you dip something into the sauce or dip and then watch while you bite the food and dip the bitten part back into the dip…that’s just yucky!

Family/Friends Reunion in the grocery store aisles……..Please, please, please, if you run into someone you need to talk with, set up a time to call or take your darn reunion outside. Do not clutter the aisles so that the people who are REALLY shopping can’t get by and if your reunion is interrupted by a voice saying excuse me, do not give us dirty looks because YOU have to move.

Institutional toilet paper………. The way it comes off the roll one square at a time, so you have to fight with it to get a decent sized wad.

Now I’m a pet owner and I ran across this and just had to share it. I hope you enjoy it!

                                             A Dogs Pet Peeve about Humans

1. Blaming YOUR toots on me. Not Funny!!!

2. Yelling at me for Barking. I’m a F.R.I.G.G.E.N’ Dog!!!

3. Taking me for a walk and then not letting me check things out. Just whose walk is it anyway????

4. Any trick that involves food balancing on my nose. Stop it!!!

5. Any haircut that involves bows and ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff when you’re out!!!

6. The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog. WhooooHoooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the Vet for “the big snip” then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back!!!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered the handshake thing yet.

9. Dog Sweaters????? Hello! Haven’t you noticed the fur???

10. How you acted disgusted when I lick myself. Look we both know the truth. Your just jealous!!!

     

Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who’s boss here. You don’t see me picking up YOUR poop, do you? J

The Letter O

O

Oops!

I think everyone at some time or another has suffered the “Oops” moments. I know I have had many in my time. Some of them can be very embarrassing, or done accidently on purpose while others happen due to circumstances beyond your control.

Some of my “Oops” moments.

I was at work one day trying to fix a sports rental contract when I accidently deleted a patrons WHOLE contract. I actually was only aiming to delete one day but my eyes focused on the word delete. My finger was drawn towards the yes button and as I watched file after file being swept away all I could say was O.M.G. NOOOOOOOOO. There was nothing I could do as the cancel button was no where to be seen so I sat there helplessly until it was all deleted. I then had to call my old Supervisor and say sweetly “hi Sue, I did a really big Oops and I need your help before the current Supervisor found out what I did. Thank goodness she was able to help me make a whole new contract and my Supervisor had no clue what had happened.

One time at band Camp…no not really at Band Camp but it was summer, I was working out in the yard. Well mother nature called and man was it an urgent call so I rushed inside to answer it not realizing I had my cell phone in the back pocket of my jeans. As I quickly went about doing what needed to be done I heard a distinct splash. It was the kind of splash one would actually say “what the h** was that? Well I was curious so I stood up and there lying under the water at the bottom of the toilet bowl was my cell phone. I had no choice but to run and get a pair of tongs out of the kitchen drawer and fish it out. Just so everyone knows, there is no reviving a drowned cell phone. I went back outside looking rather embarrassed and said to my other half “Oops my cell phone jumped out of my jean pocket and slipped into the toilet!

There are days when we are in such a hurry that one doesn’t realize what they have done until its too late. I was late for work one day and as I grabbed my purse and rushed out the door closing it firmly behind me I realized I had left my cell phone on the table so I fished inside my purse searching for the house keys. My fingers couldn’t find them so I did what most women do and open every damn nook and cranny of the purse looking desperately for them. They were no where to be found. I looked inside the kitchen window and sure enough, lying on the table were my keys. Oh I knew what I had to do and I wasn’t looking forward to it. I had no choice but to call my other half at work and pretend to all ditzy when I ask him to please come home and open the door for me. It’s a good thing he only worked 10 minutes from the house. He did come home but the look on his face was not one of pleasure. I looked at him all sad like and even fluttered my eyelids at him and whispered…it was an “Oops” honest!

The Letter N

N

The Letter N

The letter N is the first letter of a very important word in the English language: No. Many people claim to have trouble saying "no," while many kids complain that their parents say "no" too much. Regardless of your personal feelings on the word "no" it is clear that it depends on the N for its first letter. The famous kids chant Na-na-na-na-na-naaaaa, used to taunt unwitting victims on the playground for generations, also depends on the letter N. Well, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to lose that N chant.... BUT plenty of other neat words need N in order to exist as well. Nobody could write about a new experience without the letter N, for example, nor could they tell someone necessary news about their needs. Nope, its clear that we can't say No when asked if N is an important letter in English!

Fun facts about the Letter N

N is one of the six letters provided to the final contestants in the Wheel of Fortune game show (R, S, T, L, N and E).

 

Next only to T, N is the second most commonly used consonant in the English language

Did you know that the word 'News' is actually an acronym standing for the 4 cardinal compass points - North, East, West, and South.

The word 'Nerd' was first coined by Dr. Seuss in 'If I ran the Zoo'.

Tongue Twister that uses the letter N….

Noisy Nora nibbles on nutritious nuts.

                                                                

                                                                

Never nab a nanny’s noodles.

                                                                

                                                               

Nighty-night, knight," said one knight to the other knight          

the other night.

Nighty-night, knight," answered the other knight that same night                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                   

The fastest growing nail is on the middle finger

The Letter M

M

Mullet

The plague of the mullet has been regarded by many for years as the worst hair style know to mankind, although the Beehive runs a close race……. the mullet wins by a hair! Some people believe that the Mullet originated in the United States of America in the early 1980’s when in fact the Mullet has been around for thousands of years well before Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue. 

It is stated that the Neanderthal was the first known Mullet wearer in history.

If you take a look at the Great Sphinx of Giza in Egypt, which has been dated back 4500 years ago, it is clearly evident that the Sphinx has a mullet. There is a Geologist, Robert Schock that claims the Sphinx actually dates back 10,000 years, if this IS true then the mullet has been with us since the beginning of mankind. Although the years and weather have taken a toll on this wonderful piece of artistic history you will notice the short hair at the front, the long hair at the back and no sideburns so voila…The Mullet!

James K. Polk the 11^th President of Untied States of America is generally regarded as having the most notable Presidential mullet.

The mullet became popular in the 1970s, due in part to the influence of David Bowie, who wore the haircut during his Ziggy Stardust and Diamond Dogs phases.

Many famous people in modern day culture sported this hair style. The most famous would be Billy Ray Cyrus. He wore one just because he liked it.

Mel Gibson also had a mullet in the lethal Weapon series. Brad Pitt even had one. I have a confession. I dislike the mullet hair style immensely but Patrick Swayze made that style look damn good!

                                The Evolution of the Mullet.