Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Letter N

N is for Nylons

Nylons have to be my worst nemesis when it comes to putting them on. When buying nylons/pantyhose I go by the chart on the back, but hells bells, it ends up being a wrestling match with me and my nylons to get them on! It doesn’t matter how many times I open a package and take out those nylons looking at the size, and then looking at myself, I try to ponder how those things are going to fit on my body. I stopped buying the ones with the toe seams because by the time I manage to put them on my feet, roll them up my legs and over my behind the toe seams are NEVER where my toes are. Many times I have gripped the very thin and delicate material too hard as I’m yanking, shimmying and jumping up and down in order to force my lower part of myself into them and end up poking my fingers through the nylon causing them to either tear or run. Now I know that once a run starts the only way to prevent it from sprinting all the way down is to not move. That’s when I glance over to the dresser spying the clear nail polish and then figure I can do the baby step shuffle in order to reach it. The baby step shuffle is the only thing I CAN do since somehow I have wrung the thin delicate nylon in a very awkward way around my legs. It’s rather strange that it is sooooooooooooo easy to put a hole or run in those damn things, but have them twisted even slightly and it’s like you have restricted every bit of both legs in a tight tourniquet. Don’t even get me started about the seams that are put in the damn things starting from the front waist and going down under and back up to the waistband on the back. Lord only knows how to get the seams of the nylons to match up with the seams of my, well the seams God gave me. I am so glad that the warm weather is coming so I can stay away from the nylons and just let my legs go o’natural (as white as they may be).


JoJo said...

Nylons are evil. I haven't worn them in many many years.

Ornery's Wife said...

The last time I wore them was at my son's wedding. I wouldn't have worn them then except my daughter-in-law insisted. The pair I had with me ran when I got to the church, and since I am large, I couldn't find a pair quickly so ended up wearing a pair that was too short.

I won't even bore you with the details, but I couldn't wait to get out of those torturous things! I don't think I will ever wear them again!

Happy N day!

Shawn Yankey said...

All I know about nylons is they are sexy. They do look hard to put on though. Funny post!

Vicki Paulus said...

They say there has to be a kernel of truth for something to be truly funny and boy did you hit it. Because I laughed so hard at your descriptions I am nominating you for a Liebster Award. If you care to participate you can check it out at my blog (http://www.vickipaulus.blogspot.com)